Making the Promise

I have promised myself a million times over that I would lose weight...
"This is it," I tell myself, "You can not go on being this fat. You are going to change today."
I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that things are going to get better.
I know I can do this....
There was Biggest Loser tryouts today and I chose not to go. I am not sure why. I had it marked on my calendar, but maybe I am not really ready to change, or maybe I am thinking I can do this on my own. Either way, I did not go. I may still tryout through mailing in a video of myself, but now it is too late to go to any auditions.
I have however decided that today is the day I start writing down everything I eat. I have a page at sparkpeople.com http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=AMBERAKAMOMMY

Having sparkpeople as a tool really helps, but I am scared of being this fat... I feel awful at this weight....